


TMNT: The Musical

by KoriatCyredanthem



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 23:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6929311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoriatCyredanthem/pseuds/KoriatCyredanthem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A weird black ball rolls into the lair and some really freaky stuff starts happening, dude! I mean, okay, I guess from the outside it looks hilarious. But from the inside, it sucks majorly! I'm at least 90% sure Raph is going to kill something, Leo's going nuts, and Don's having major breakdowns which doesn't help ANYONE... I like musicals as much as the next Disney kid-at-heart, but life isn't a musical and really, really, REALLY shouldn't be!</p>
            </blockquote>





	TMNT: The Musical

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave your own suggestions in the comments... Apologies in advance for this one. It just took me by storm.

Everything started out normally enough this morning. Got up, made breakfast, roused Don and Raph and fed them, did morning training with Leo… Typical, right?

Well, not for long. Donnie’s iPDA - inter-dimensional portal detection alarm, pronounced "IP-da" like those iPods and iPads and iThings – nearly deafened us all at about 10:30 AM. Donnie tapped into the signal and pulled our end of the portal into the living room – go dude!

A small black ball rolled out of the portal and Don had grabbed it – he _always_ has to grab things! Seriously, dude’s like that chick from _Jurassic Park_. “He _can’t_ not touch!”

And then Leo had told him to put it down, the portal had closed, and now we’re staring at this baseball-sized black thing sitting in our living room.

“Oookay… Anyone wanna poke it?” I ask cheerfully. “Nose goes!” I clap my hand on my nose instantly and Raph shoots me a death glare.

“Don, where’d this come from?” Leo asks calmly. He has one katana pointed at the sphere. Way to go, Leo, that'll totally help.

“Not sure. Scanning. Portal’s closed, and that thing isn’t emitting any detectable EM waves…” Don mutters. I kinda tune him out most times, though.

“Can you lock it up somewhere, Don? Mikey, don’t touch it!” Leo snaps when I reach forward curiously.

“Aw, Leo, but it’s so cool…” I pout at my big bro and he just narrows his eyes at me. “Don touched it!”’

“Don knows how to handle dangerous things, Mikey,” Leo responds mildly.

“You _are_ a dangerous thing,” Raph snickers, crossing his arms. I stick my tongue out at him.

“Well, for now, I’ll put it in my lab,” Don murmurs, using his Bo to shove the black ball into a duffle bag and carrying it into his lab. “I’ll let you know what I find in a bit.”

“Raph, don’t kill Mikey,” Leo orders as he follows Don into the brainiac’s lab.

“Yeah, Raph!” I add with a grin.

“No promises, Fearless,” Raph mutters, glaring at me. I give him my best puppy dog eyes and decide that maybe I’ll just play some quiet video games. By myself. Raph stomps into his room to lift weights, as usual.

I play for a couple hours while Don tinkers with the ball. Leo heads for the dojo after a few minutes in Don’s lab. Finally, Don emerges and calls a family meeting, and he sends _me_ to interrupt Raph’s ‘me time’ in his room. I knock, yell “Raph, Don wants ya!” and split as fast as my turtle legs can carry me. Since I’m the fastest in the family, I haul _shell_.

“Alright, all I know so far is blah blah blah big words blah,” Don says once we’re all gathered around the kitchen table.

“In English, Don,” Leo sighs patiently.

“Uh… I know what it’s made of, at least the outside. But I have no idea why it was sent to us or what it’s supposed to do.”

“Can I touch it _now_?” I ask.

Don rolls his eyes at me. “No, Mikey.”

“Aw, why not?”

“Because you have this gift for making things explode.” He has a point there, I guess. Still, I shoot puppy dog eyes at him and hope it works. But he just shakes his head.

“You touched it!”

“Once again, Mike, I am _trained_ to handle dangerous things. You are not.”

“I handle _these_ babies!” I whip out my ‘chucks and whirl them around.

“Mike, shut up,” Raph growls. I dodge his open-handed whap easily and dance backwards out of reach, still whirlin’ my girls.

“Alright, Don, put it in your safe and we’ll go on patrol,” Leo orders.

“Yes!” Raph grunts.

“Alright!” I cheer, putting my ‘chucks away and doing a victory dance around my oldest bro.

Don puts the thing away with a sad sigh and Leo the Fearless Leader leads us onto the rooftops of the surface world. We run off Raph’s energy first or else he’s totally impossible all night. Then Leo looks for something fun to do.

“Ooo, Foot!” I squeal happily, pointing at black shadows jumping over rooftops on our right.

“Alright, keep it tight. Remember, we’re not here to have fun, just to keep everyone safe,” Leo reminds everyone. He runs towards the Foot, aiming to intercept them on a wide rooftop that should give us plenty of room for an awesome showdown.

“Yeah, yeah, we get it,” Raph snaps, already right next to the leader.

“Cowabunga!” I yell happily, following the hothead. Don follows me silently. Dude needs a war cry.

An overwhelming urge to yell comes over me and I scream, “ _Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah_!” I _know_ this from somewhere.

“ _Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah_!” Don joins in and I can tell it freaks him out because he comes to a dead stop. I turn to figure out why _he_ did that and I really have no idea where this is coming from.

“ _Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah_!” Raph bellows ahead. He kicks a Foot soldier in the shoulder and is in the middle of fighting or I think he’d probably be freaking out like Don, who looks like he can’t speak.

“ _Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah_!” Leo adds in his usual Leo the Fearless Leader Tone (trademark pending). But nothing fazes my big bro for long; he wades into the Foot next to Raph. Dude always looks like he’s dancing when he fights.

We’re all quiet for a moment and I can't seem to remember what I was supposed to be doing. Something about my feet?

“ _Everybody was kung fu fighting_!” I sing at the top of my voice. I can’t stop! Don just stares at me like _that's_ going to help. “ _Those kids were fast as lightning! In fact, it was a little bit frightening! But they fought with expert timing!_ ” I mean, yeah, this song is awesome, but now is so not the time! And I can’t move! Why can’t I move?!

“What the fuck, Mikey!?” Raph snarls over the sound of him and Leo beating Foot humans up. Don’s still stuck to the cement next to me and I can’t move for the life of me.

 “ _There were funky China men from funky Chinatown_ ,” Don sings. He claps his hands over his beak, but it only muffles the singing. “ _They were chopping them up, they were chopping them down.”_

“Mike, Don, get your shells in here!” Leo orders loudly. “Raph, behind you!”

But Don seems just as stuck as me as he shrieks, “ _It's an ancient Chinese art and everybody knew their part. From a feinting_ ,” Leo feints right on cue, jerky and without _any_ of his usual grace, “ _to a slip_ ,” and with a yell, Raph’s on his shell with a Foot on top of him, “ _and a kickin' from the hip_.” Leo kicks Raph’s attacker away – and yes, from the hip. We're freakin' choreographed!

The words just boil out of me. “ _Everybody was kung fu fighting_! _Those kids were fast as lightning! In fact, it was a little bit frightening, hey-ey! But they fought with expert timing!_ ”

“Mikey! What-” But then Don’s voice changes into his singing voice – a little deeper than mine – and the song continues. “ _There was funky Billie Chin and little Sammy Chong. He said, ‘Here comes the big boss,’”_ and Raph lets out one of those movie-esque karate chop "huh!" sounds, _“let's get it on. We took the bow and made a stand, started swaying with the hand.”_ Leo jerks to a stop mid-slash and assumes a ridiculous B-movie-style karate ‘bring it on!’ pose that totally throws him off his rhythm. _“A sudden motion made me skip. Now we're into a brand new trip_.” And Leo barely manages to dodge an attack as he _skips_ across the roof back towards Raph.

“Donatello!” Leo roars.

“ _Everybody was kung fu fighting_!” Right on cue, I start up again.

Raph lets out a loud “huh!” sound as he smashing in a Foot ninja’s face.

“I can’t stop!” Don screams back.

" _Those kids were fast as lightning!”_

Leo’s “ha!” as he beats back an opponent with one sword sounds more than a little hysterical.

_“In fact, it was a little bit frightening!”_

Raph screams “huh!” as he tackles a ninja to the ground and pummels him.

 _“But they did it with expert timing!_ ”

And Leo’s high-pitched “ha!” almost makes me double over in laughter except that I’m too caught up in this involuntary song and can’t do anything with my own body.

“ _Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah_!” Don and I both sing together, unwittingly. And Raph lets out another “huh!” sound right on cue. “ _Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah_!” And there’s Leo’s “ha!” “ _Oh-hoh-hoh-ho-ah_!”

“Huh!” Raph looks ready to kill.

“ _Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah_!”

“Ha!” from Leo.

“ _Keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on_ ,” Don sings in counter-harmony as I vocalize. Dude’s gonna break his staff with how hard he’s holding it.

“ _Everybody was kung fu fighting_!”

“Huh!”

 “ _Those kids were fast as lightning!”_

“Ha!”

_“In fact, it was a little bit frightening!”_

“Huh!”

 _“Make sure you have expert ti-i-i-imin’, oh!_ ”

“Ha!”

“ _Kung fu fi-i-ighting, and simply fast as li-ightening,”_ I belt out as the last Foot ninja falls to the floor.

Leo and Raph beat a hasty retreat from the battlefield, leaving the beaten Foot to pick themselves up. I can finally move again and Don seems to be able to, too.

“What the fuck, Mikey!?” Raph yells at me, tackling me.

“It wasn’t me!” I scream back, finally able to move and speak on my own. If Raph wasn’t sitting on me, I’d even be happy. Kind of. Except for the whole this-is-really-freakin’-weird.

“Don?” Leo asks, sheathing his swords uncertainly.

“I don’t _know_ , Leo. When’s the last time _you_ were unable to fight some freakish urge to sing along with _Mikey?!”_ Don sounds hysterical and he’s usually so calm. Now _I_ start freaking out.

“Am I dying?!” I demand, shoving Raph off me and grabbing Don’s shoulder.

“How should I know?” Don yells at me, eyes angrily narrowed.

“’Cause you know everything!” I insist.

“Let’s get underground,” Leo orders, pulling me off Don gently. “We’ll figure it out there. Where we’re safe.”

“I got Mikey,” Raph growls. He hauls me over one shoulder even though I’m perfectly capable of walking now, _thank you very much!_

“I’m fine _now_ , Leo,” Don grumps when Leo tries to do the same.

“I’m not taking any chances,” Leo replies calmly, hoisting Don in a fireman carry.

“Raph, dude, ever heard of a shower?” I complain as the smell of Raph’s sweat from that battle hits my uber-sensitive nose. I’ve trained my sense of smell for delicate cooking, not _this!_

“Shut up, shell fer brains,” Raph growls.

Leo and Raph make it back to the lair pretty quickly, considering that they’re carrying us. Don keeps mumbling long words under his breath while I play patty-cake with Raph’s shell until he slaps the back of my thighs and I yelp in pain.

“I’m going to kill you if this is some stupid prank,” Raph snarls as he drops me on the couch once we’re home sweet home.

“Okay, so… I’ve never heard of anything like this,” Don says once Leo’s put him gently down on the couch as well. “I was unable to control myself. It’s as though I had no control over my body _or_ what I was saying.”

“I mean, we totally sang Douglas’s “Kung Fu Fighting,” dude,” I point out. “But same here; no control. I mean, I’ve always _wanted_ to play that while we beat down on some Foot… But seriously not cool.”

“I couldn’t stop myself, either,” Raph grunts angrily.

“Neither could I,” Leo agrees quietly. “We nearly got our shells handed to us. We need to figure this out before we leave the lair again.” Raph growls wordlessly. He hates being grounded.

“Dude, you _really_ wanna start Foot: The Musical, Part Two?” I quip, grinning.

“Fuck off, Mike.”

“Raph, language!” Leo snaps.

“Fuck, Leo, I think I’m entitled to a little swearing after that fucking festival of weird!” Raphie's in a bad mood.

“ _Language!”_ Raph just rolls his eyes. “Don, what can we do?”

“I don’t know, Leo. I’ll need to run brain scans, see if I can pinpoint the source of the big word something something. Then I need to somehow trigger another episode and see if the big big word, something shiny changes. For now, we’ve all apparently been affected so I’ll scan everyone just to be safe.”

“Until we’re able to control ourselves, we’re going to put our weapons away,” Leo orders. He takes off his swords and holds out his hand to us expectantly.

“Bye, Cortana,” I mourn, handing over my left ‘chuck. “Goodbye, Khaleesi.” I kiss the right ‘chuck and pass it to Leo with a pout. “I love you, babies!”

Even Raph doesn’t pitch too much of a fit and we all head into Don’s lab where he locks our weapons into his safe. “Alright, Mikey, you first.”

“Why me?” I whine, sitting on the table and letting Don attach weird little suction cups onto my skull.

“Because _you_ started this, shell fer brains,” Raph growls, arms crossed and scowling at the safe like he can crack it with his Raph Murder Vision (patent pending).

Don tells me to think about nothing and starts staring at a screen covered with lines. I can’t think of nothing! I’m constantly thinking about at _least_ three things. Like I want lunch and I’m hoping my online pal BuffetWithAT is around and I need to borrow Don’s laptop to order the newest episode of Silver Sentry! Which means of course I need to read all the comics all over again so I remember everything in the littlest detail!

“Mike, your brain waves are all over the place, calm down!” Don orders, shooting me a glare that rivals Raph’s.

“Dude, I’m hungry!” I whine. “I need your laptop! Oh, and the credit card! And-”

“Mike, let’s meditate,” Leo suggests when Don shoots him a pleading look.

“Aw, Leo,” I whine. “I just sang really, really hard.”

“I can put him out,” Raph offers evilly.

“Raph, not _helping_ ,” Don snaps. “I need him conscious.”

“How about _barely_ conscious?” the hothead mutters. I pull Leo between us and stick my tongue out at Raph. He wouldn’t dare hit me with Leo right there! Right…?

“Mikey, look into my eyes,” Leo orders softly, leaning close. Then he freezes and I hold my breath as his eyes start getting panicky.

“Leo?” I squeak, waving my hand in front of his face.

“Mikey, don’t touch!” Don snaps.

 _“Look into my eyes; you will see,”_ Leo starts singing softly, voice strangely strangled, “ _what you mean to me.”_ Don slaps the suction cups from my head onto Leo’s. _“Search your heart, search your soul and when you find me there, you’ll search no more.”_ No, no, no, not _Leo!_

“Fearless?” Raph asks, grabbing Leo’s shoulder and ignoring Don’s angry order to leave our eldest bro alone.

“ _Don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for.”_

“Snap out of it!” Raph barks at Leo.

_“You can’t tell me it’s not worth dyin’ for. You know it’s true: everything I do, I do it for you.”_

Raph shakes Leo roughly as if he can just snap him out of it.

Don body-checks the hothead away from the eldest and I just _gape_. Don, the mild one! Just hit Raph! Everything’s screwed up! What the shell is happening, dude?!

 “ _Look into your heart – you will find there's nothin' there to hide. Take me as I am, take my life. I would give it all, I would sa-a-a-acrifice._ ” This is some seriously screwed up love song or _something_. Leo’s hands are clenched and he looks like he’s trying to shut his mouth but he just can’t.

“Mikey, get him on the table if you can,” Don orders, going back to his screen.

 “ _Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for.”_

“Yeah, okay, bro…” I slide off the table.

 _“I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more. You know it's true: everything I do, I do it for you. Oh, yeah_.” Raph helps me now that’s he’s recovered from getting shoved aside by _Don_ and we lift Leo onto the table, where he lies rigidly.

“ _There's no love like your love. And no other could give more love. There's nowhere unless you're there. All the time, all the way, ye-ah.”_ This is one majorly screwed up song; lyrics of a love song, beat of a tragic song? Who the shell came up with this one?!

With Leo out of commission and Don muttering at the computer screen, I hug myself and try not to cry. I hate this. I hate it!

“ _Look into your heart, baby…”_ Leo murmurs, still staring at the ceiling.

“ _Oh, you can’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for. I can’t help it, there’s nothin’ I want more. Yeah, I would fight for you. I’d die for you. Walk the wire for you. Yeah, I’d die for you-u.”_ Raph just glares at the floor but I know he’s totally ready to explode – either into anger or tears, I’m not sure.

 _“You know it’s true. Everything I do, oh-h-h, I do it…for… you...”_ Leo finally relaxes with a shudder and sits up, gasping. “Don!” he demands. “Anything?” I immediately glomp the ever-loving daylights out of Leo and he hugs me back just as tightly. One of us is shaking and I think maybe it’s me.

“Yeah, yeah,” Don sighs, sitting back and rubbing his forehead. “I’ll need to compare it to a normal sample, but it _looks_ like something’s boosting your gamma _and_ theta waves.”

“Which would mean…?” Leo prompts gently, stroking my shell soothingly. I don’t like seeing my always-in-control bro so helpless!

“Theta is what you activate in deep meditation and in your dreams. Gamma waves come from a sense of heightened perception. It’s peak focus – like when you’re doing ninjutsu, I’d imagine for you, Leo.”

Leo nods and presses a gentle, soothing kiss to the top of my head. I don’t want kisses, I want normal! I want Raph to beat on something – except me, okay, maybe me if it meant everything was back to normal. I want Leo to tell me to get off the TV and do something useful! And, well, Don’s acting normal enough I guess. The one-man Geek Squad is going through the squiggly lines on his screen like they’re written in some language only he knows. Which, I guess, is pretty much the truth.

“Okay…” Leo gently lets me go and pries my arms from around his shell. “Mike, can you get some lunch made? Raph, lock down the lair – I don’t want _anything_ in or out until we figure this out.”

Raph heads out without his usual complaining grunt or protest. I sniffle and pull myself upright, nodding shakily.

“Don, do you still need my head?” Leo asks as I leave the room and head for the kitchen. Food makes everything feel better and I need some serious feel-better mojo right now!

**Author's Note:**

> Songs:  
> Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas  
> Look Into My Eyes (Everything I Do) by Bryan Adams


End file.
